Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...

Or at least a fake pirate's life for me.

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day and for all ye mutton-headed scallywags out there, you land-lubbin' loonybirds, it's a day to reflect deeply on your heritage as a pirate. Or lack thereof, which is even a better reason, in my opinion, to talk like someone out of a Disney movie ("Treasure Island" you twittering nitwits, not that other movie).

I wish I had brought my camera, because my wonderful coworker Georgia brought us pirate caps and even better, non-dairy pirate cupcakes!

Yes, I know the non-dairy part kinda messes with the piratical theme, but our Georgia has dietary sensitivities and if you're making the cupcakes, you get to pick the ingrediants.

If you are still in the dark on this fine holiday, see the official web site: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/.

Ol Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy will put you right.

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In other news, we missed a not-entirely-unrelated event.

This week marked the 57th birthday of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Hmm. I wish I had kick-ass font to announce that better...

That'll do.

I suppose you have to be a of certain age to really remember Elvira as she's not on TV as she was in my day (yes, and I'm on the porch in my rocking chair with a shotgun . . . get off my lawn!).

But she hosted "Movie Macabra," on late-night television. You know, kids, like a VJ for movies. Wait, they don't have those anymore either, do they? Okay, like . . . oh, forget it. She's cool.

Giant black beehive, before-it-was-cool-gothic dress cut down-to-there, and up-to-here, with the legs and bosom to work it, eyeliner to die for . . . she's the anti-Martha Quinn. I loved her.

One thing I didn't know about our Elvira is that before she was our lady in black, she was struggling singer-actress Cassandra Peterson. This is interesting to me only because she's mentioned in "Let's Spend the Night Together," the infamous tell-all by uber-groupie Pamela DesBarres. (And if you're lost, either get in a time machine and join me in my nostalgia, or buy the book)