Wedding updates: invites and the shoe blues

1. I got the invites out! Phew! And I've actually received a few of my neat-o tear-off RSVP postcards already.

Word of caution, ladies and gents: My invitations are of a fold-up and seal style. When I took them to my local post office, the counter employee told me that, if I didn't Scotch-tape up one side of the invite, they would, at best, get mauled in the machine and worse, they might not make it to their destination at all. Take this into consideration when choosing your invites.

You may be wondering why I didn't just have them hand-cancelled. I did. But today's postal process involves more than one machine, so even after the very nice lady hand-cancelled my invites, they still had to go through a machine that can read the handwritten addresses and another that sorts the items.I'm still glad I chose the fold-n-seal invites, because it was less paper and thus less waste, and a postcard stamp (for the RSVPs) is still cheaper than a regular one. Although there weren't any love-themed postcard stamps, so I chose these lovely tropical fruit ones instead:

Very spring-y!

2. I have been overestimating the length of my dress - all this time, I've been shopping for heels, and I finally realized, while trying on some hooker-height Jessica Simpson carribbean blue heels, the dress is too short for any heel.That's right - I will have to wear flat shoes. Flat shoes with a dress! Something I've never done before.

I tell you, I wasn't happy. At all. I know, no one else can see, much less care, about my shoes. That's not the point. The point is that I wanted to wear heels. Me. Me me me me me me me.

I finally get selfish about something for "my" day, and I can't even do that. That's the point.

I'm getting over it. However, I need some inspiration on what kind of flat to wear. It has to be light, somewhat casual, but I'm afraid a flat sandal will be too casual. Arrggh!

Not too cool

I am, by nature, a timid person.

At first glance you wouldn't think so. I talk - a lot. Sometimes loudly. And I got my blog title the hard way - I earrrrrned it.

(John Housman just rolled over in his grave.)

And I've accomplished things of which I'm very proud. I worked my way through college. I bought my first home as a single woman on a public salary.

But I'm afraid of so many things.

I'm afraid to go into my own attic alone. I'm afraid to jump into water from even the slightest bit of height. I hear every noise in the house at night, and sometimes they keep me up.

But it's my fear of change that's the most frustrating - my fear of doing something wrong, different, embarrassing, "not cool."

I rely on the people around me for acceptance.

There is a certain style of dress that I've always loved: a printed, empire-waisted hippie-type cotton number. And I would try them on and someone would always say, "No - that's not flattering on you" or just "Really?" with an arched eyebrow.

And I would always put it away. Even if I loved the swishy-ness, the wild floral, the silliness of it. And even when I thought it looked nice on - it felt nice on. I put it back on the rack.

I was afraid of looking different than I always look, of looking like I'm trying to be something that I'm not, of trying too hard. That arched eyebrow stayed with me, and I cringed at the idea of people thinking badly of me. Really, I'd rather not be thought of all than be thought of with disdain.

I wish it was only a dress. But it's not. There are classes that I've signed up for and never attended, races I registered for and never ran. If it was something different, something people like me don't do, I was afraid to do it. And more often than not, I didn't.

I think about this now with my wedding. I've looked at so many pictures, web sites, magazines, books. And I've seen some amazing, fantastic stuff. Check out these shoes:

I'd love to show you the whole bridal outfit for context, but that's a little invasive. But I love these shoes - they're like ruby slippers!

And isn't this one of those very few moments in life where the event is supposed to be an expression of you and your spouse-to-be? Where you get to really do what you want to do?

Would I ever wear those shoes? No. Why? Because nobody else I know wears those shoes. And I know, for a fact, that certain people in my life would roll their eyes. "Please. Who's she trying to be?"

I don't know. Maybe this post is my way of chafing at the bit. Stamping my feet and saying, "I'm going to wear what I want wear, damn it! I'm going to go to that concert - if I have to go by myself. I'm going to that 'flaky' seminar on meditation, f*ck you." Maybe not.

Maybe I could just start with the shoes.