If it's not a wedding, it's a baby

Seriously, everyone seems to be getting married or on the verge of delivering.

My girlfriend Gail threw me an awesomely cliched bachelorette party a week or two ago. And she hand-made this veil for me:



She sewed the little pearls on the edge of the tulle and everything.

If you know me at all in the brick-and-mortar world, you know that I like to wear my sunglasses. Pretty much all the time. I feel like they give me some height that my flat-ass hair cannot provide. Friends have been joking about making me a veil with sunglasses for years, even before Gail knew me - and yet, here it was - the most awesome bachelorette veil ever!

I was so excited, I didn't even get dressed before trying it on. You didn't think I went out in that, did you?

Gail also orchestrated, along with my other lovely girlfriends, to rent a swanky limo for the evening - and was thoughtful enough to stock it with my favorite girly beverage, champagne.

After playing some games at Gail's, we took off for Durty Nelly's, so I could quaff some Guinness (why yes, it does go well with champagne, how did you know?) and get dirty looks from the hipsters who probably thought I was being held down by The Man by getting married.

Then it was off to 101, where Kathryn got us the hook-up. I'd never been, so what better time than when I'm wearing a veil, a condom and a sash?

(Left to right: my future sister-in-law Melissa, Cynthia, Tabby, moi, Gail, Sonia, Janet)

Wait, we're missing Kathryn and Marilyn!

There they are! (Kathryn is in the center in the photo on the left, and Marilyn is second from left in the photo on the right)

Leaving 101, we stayed in the limo for a very, very long time. Eventually, we graced Sharab with our presence. Except that we lost Kathryn . . . Not that most of us have too clear a memory of it . . .

We finally piled into the limo and were safely deposited back at Gail's (sans Kathryn, sadly), where everyone went to bed - except me and Cyn, who stayed up philosophizing until . . . oh, 5 a.m.

It was lovely. I couldn't have asked for more, and was so touched at all the effort Gail and the ladies put forth - for me!

Next week, I'll whine about my shoe issues and grouse about pew decorations. Ooh, sounds like fun!

What happens at the tailgate...

First, I have to brag: my insanely talented friend Douglas Matthews has agreed to play at my wedding ceremony.

He and his wife Melissa have been two of the best friends a girl could have. Along with a few others, they were my rock at an especially low point in my life.

I was so nervous asking him, because, well, he plays piano for a living - what a pain, right? Invited to a wedding and now you gotta work? But he was terribly gracious about it.

I have a hard time asking people for things, even people who, rationally, I know love the heck out of me and want to help me. But there's this stupid part of me that's so afraid to ask. It's stupid. I think I said that already. Moving on...

Tile update: I cut the tile too small and we didn't get it fixed before our guests came. Turned out we had less than expected, so it went smoothly anyway.

The tailgate was a success. Kyle got up around 6 a.m. and headed out to campus. The tailgate was set up, and manned, from 7 a.m. until roughly 1 a.m. that evening/next morning. Crazy, I know. But it's Kyle's thing and it was before I showed up - I'm just an observer/assistant/beer bitch.

Yes, beer bitch. Half of my "job" is to be kinda nasty about who's sticking their hand in our coolers. It's not fun, but if you don't make it known that somebody's paying attention, there are plenty of jackasses who are ready to suck you dry. Food, too - but I left that up to our cook.

A ton of people showed up, including many I hadn't seen in months. It really was fun. And we had a most important element at the tailgate: hot women. And strangely enough, that's part of my "job" as well - taking photos of everybody, including the hot chicks.

A sample:

Okay, I'm kidding. That's just a cute chick and her pretty mommy.

More like this:

Luckily, as we age, so goes the tailgate. It's a lot more "chill" this year, and I had plenty of people come up to me to agree and that it was a good thing.

I had to run off some little girls, but not before they got their fill of our beer and BBQ. You'd be surprised how much a skinny little thang can eat when someone else cooked it and it's free. :)

An exhausting weekend, but great fun.

Oh yeah - the Gators won. Forgot about that...